2008年9月24日水曜日
2008年9月14日日曜日
"leaving me no choice but to unlock the chamber"
Today seemed to be like every other day at least at work. I clocked in, and started. Because it was a game day the rush was going to be more intense than normal. It was so busy that it seemed as though every rush was hours long. But that didn't matter.
Shortly after a rush started, I was working as fast as I could to get people out of the store when I noticed someone looking at me.
The motions at work are so familiar that I can complete the transactions with out looking at the register. This gave me the opportunity to become inebriated through my eyes alone. The other end of the stare was a friend of mine. But something was different. His eyes, they were so strong, it terrified me.
Paralyzed.
Yet, my body kept helping customers. It took me 10 minutes and blurry vision to break free from it. But the enchantment wasn't for waste. We were talking with our eyes.
My mother raised me to be a strong person. Mentally and physically. Which is why I could hold back the tears that began to drip over my heart. A cold chill got me to look up.
He was standing right in front of me. Leaning on the register across from mine. He pulled back and prepared to toss his javelin. Another rush came and he was pushed away from me. I could relax.
several rushes later. The night had come to an end.
But he was still there. slightly farther away this time. But he was already prepare with his eyes again. I couldn't move an inch. My body completely paralyzed this time. He steps forward, it rattles the chamber of my heart.
Burning and swollen the chamber rumbles.
The pain and sadness melting and blending into the happiness was an awkwardness that cannot be describe, leaving me no choice but to unlock the chamber.
the blunt metal chamber slowly opens and breaks away. The chunks of metal looked more like stones as they fell. You see, the chamber around my heart has been shut for a long long time. Any amount of stress could have destroyed it. When the last piece fell away from my scorching heart I felt a coldness. a strength I hadn't felt in a long time. The javelin had pierced my heart. The cold metal ripping through one end, but on the on the other side was an explosion of roots. Roots to take in the two things you need for life, Nutrition and Love.
He spoke, I answered.
I died.
I was dead long enough for the strings to collide. Restarting the universe and bringing me back to the very moment I had died. It was as if I had never died at all.
I drew his shapes in my head. Over and over. I was use to the roots from the javelin, which had sprouted branches and leaves as it went into my heart.
He spoke again. The waves pushed the tree into my heart, roots and all. The tree became fuel for a spark.
The spark became a fire.
the fire burst into an inferno.
The inferno burned a pure white.
I had certainly died, and been reborn.
He went home. Shortly after that I also went home. I paraded home. Flanked by 100 deers, 8 yellow birds, 3 turtles, and one tiny green grasshopper.
And now I'm here. Back to myself.
Falling...
asleep.
Shortly after a rush started, I was working as fast as I could to get people out of the store when I noticed someone looking at me.
The motions at work are so familiar that I can complete the transactions with out looking at the register. This gave me the opportunity to become inebriated through my eyes alone. The other end of the stare was a friend of mine. But something was different. His eyes, they were so strong, it terrified me.
Paralyzed.
Yet, my body kept helping customers. It took me 10 minutes and blurry vision to break free from it. But the enchantment wasn't for waste. We were talking with our eyes.
My mother raised me to be a strong person. Mentally and physically. Which is why I could hold back the tears that began to drip over my heart. A cold chill got me to look up.
He was standing right in front of me. Leaning on the register across from mine. He pulled back and prepared to toss his javelin. Another rush came and he was pushed away from me. I could relax.
several rushes later. The night had come to an end.
But he was still there. slightly farther away this time. But he was already prepare with his eyes again. I couldn't move an inch. My body completely paralyzed this time. He steps forward, it rattles the chamber of my heart.
Burning and swollen the chamber rumbles.
The pain and sadness melting and blending into the happiness was an awkwardness that cannot be describe, leaving me no choice but to unlock the chamber.
the blunt metal chamber slowly opens and breaks away. The chunks of metal looked more like stones as they fell. You see, the chamber around my heart has been shut for a long long time. Any amount of stress could have destroyed it. When the last piece fell away from my scorching heart I felt a coldness. a strength I hadn't felt in a long time. The javelin had pierced my heart. The cold metal ripping through one end, but on the on the other side was an explosion of roots. Roots to take in the two things you need for life, Nutrition and Love.
He spoke, I answered.
I died.
I was dead long enough for the strings to collide. Restarting the universe and bringing me back to the very moment I had died. It was as if I had never died at all.
I drew his shapes in my head. Over and over. I was use to the roots from the javelin, which had sprouted branches and leaves as it went into my heart.
He spoke again. The waves pushed the tree into my heart, roots and all. The tree became fuel for a spark.
The spark became a fire.
the fire burst into an inferno.
The inferno burned a pure white.
I had certainly died, and been reborn.
He went home. Shortly after that I also went home. I paraded home. Flanked by 100 deers, 8 yellow birds, 3 turtles, and one tiny green grasshopper.
And now I'm here. Back to myself.
Falling...
asleep.
2008年9月4日木曜日
2008年5月13日火曜日
Epiphanies
So, the semester ended with a strange explosion of ideas and a sour taste in my mouth. Mostly from when I checked my grades. Man, last semester was harsh.
As an artist, our greatest foe is the "artist funk", or when you can't get anything to come out right, or you just can't develop ideas at all. It's like that special way of seeing shuts down for repairs. Well last semester I was plagued with it. My artist eyes took a very long blink if you will. All ideas became a single strange of idea. Which I will scan and post later. But needless to say I was fucked in all of my classes. The solution for me? Introspection! Its painful at first, looking at your self. You see everything bad as well as good. And most of the time for me I encase things with the bad, so it took a while before I saw the good. But, once I carved away at the bad stuff the pain they brought was less and less. Then I discovered a wealth of good things, and I've been exploring them a lot lately. To my joy, this has cause several epiphanies and literally thousands of ideas for both my paintings and ceramics.
I'll have to go into this later tonight. I'm still cleaning house from the surprise (but very welcomed) party we had. :)
Cioa!
As an artist, our greatest foe is the "artist funk", or when you can't get anything to come out right, or you just can't develop ideas at all. It's like that special way of seeing shuts down for repairs. Well last semester I was plagued with it. My artist eyes took a very long blink if you will. All ideas became a single strange of idea. Which I will scan and post later. But needless to say I was fucked in all of my classes. The solution for me? Introspection! Its painful at first, looking at your self. You see everything bad as well as good. And most of the time for me I encase things with the bad, so it took a while before I saw the good. But, once I carved away at the bad stuff the pain they brought was less and less. Then I discovered a wealth of good things, and I've been exploring them a lot lately. To my joy, this has cause several epiphanies and literally thousands of ideas for both my paintings and ceramics.
I'll have to go into this later tonight. I'm still cleaning house from the surprise (but very welcomed) party we had. :)
Cioa!
2008年4月1日火曜日
losing weight!
Hey,
Its been a long time since my last post but now I think I'll have time in the mornings to work on this thing. Today starts my new workout and nutrition routine. I figure it will take me a at least a month to get start to get to where I want to be.
I'm 5'11'' (I think! haha) and I'm about 180-95lbs. Which is the problem at hand. Its a big problem for me; for my self esteem and just for general health reasons. I'd like to get down to 155, but I also want to get a little bit more muscle mass so I imagine I'll get to about 160-70 but look much better. haha. Either way it's time to lose the weight and take back the insane amount of (as carson would say, chaotic evil) energy I use to have.
I'll post some pictures later... maybe a before and after picture! haha. (maybe we'll do that when I have the after picture, its so much easier to look at yourself when you know its what you USED to look like hahah).
Other than that I met a really nice guy who has extremely similar interest as me! (what are the odds?) haha. So I've been talking with him a lot lately and enjoying it.
As for my art, I've been jumping around ALL semester about what to do and where I was at in the art world. I had no idea as to what would happen! haha. It's a really long story so I'll try to post it tonight so I can see if I can get it all out of my system. But I do feel I have come full circle with JUST enough time left in the semester to make it out alive. :)
Well I'm off to make breakfast and head to the gym! Wish me luck!
Nathan
Its been a long time since my last post but now I think I'll have time in the mornings to work on this thing. Today starts my new workout and nutrition routine. I figure it will take me a at least a month to get start to get to where I want to be.
I'm 5'11'' (I think! haha) and I'm about 180-95lbs. Which is the problem at hand. Its a big problem for me; for my self esteem and just for general health reasons. I'd like to get down to 155, but I also want to get a little bit more muscle mass so I imagine I'll get to about 160-70 but look much better. haha. Either way it's time to lose the weight and take back the insane amount of (as carson would say, chaotic evil) energy I use to have.
I'll post some pictures later... maybe a before and after picture! haha. (maybe we'll do that when I have the after picture, its so much easier to look at yourself when you know its what you USED to look like hahah).
Other than that I met a really nice guy who has extremely similar interest as me! (what are the odds?) haha. So I've been talking with him a lot lately and enjoying it.
As for my art, I've been jumping around ALL semester about what to do and where I was at in the art world. I had no idea as to what would happen! haha. It's a really long story so I'll try to post it tonight so I can see if I can get it all out of my system. But I do feel I have come full circle with JUST enough time left in the semester to make it out alive. :)
Well I'm off to make breakfast and head to the gym! Wish me luck!
Nathan
2008年2月16日土曜日
Holy Crap!
So! Its been a while... I haven't had much time to post anything due to a hectic school semester. Graduation is coming soon (like in a semester or two) and thats really fucking scaring me. there is so much I need to think about... so many things I have to do get into graduate school and so many places I have to apply to... if I had hair, I'd be pulling it out. But I'm not going to freak out, I know I can do it.. but still... Gya!
In the love department, I've destroyed myself, I've entered into the arena even though I knew I would be leaving in a nominal time. That being said, I regret to say I've discovered someone who i really like. SO, you can imagine how thats going.
On the arts, I was in a show the other day at the new gallery here in stillwater. They are going to have a few more shows while I'm here, so I'll do my best to enter in to all that I can. I sold a vase as the last show! I also had a drawing in the show for $500 but I priced it so high because I didn't really want to sell it... it has some nostalgic qualities.
My watercolors have been neglected lately... I've been having trouble working out a schedule that includes my ceramics and watercolor. Speaking of Ceramics, I don't throw for class anymore. I just couldn't take the hypocrisy of it. I was just tired of making something I love and then having someone tell me to change it for the better, then after following their directions exactly, only to have them punish me for the change. Really, there isn't a lot of people (the professor especially) who specialize in throwing. It's apparent in the students work, there is no traditional background, just a free for all that I think ends up in shallow designs. Its just to much for a student to not have ANY direction. Maybe I'm just bitching... But I'm fed up with it. So I will never turn in thrown ware ever again for this teacher.
On the watercolor side, I've announced my alliance to fantasy artist! haha, whatever that means. I'm going to be painting fantasy scenes, and themes. Who knows, maybe I'll spiral out of it and start doing something no one has ever seen before. Who knows right?
Well when I have more time I'll give you my spill on the russians, time travel, building a universe, and aerogels! haha Its pretty awesome stuff! (thanks Joseph)
Ciao~~
In the love department, I've destroyed myself, I've entered into the arena even though I knew I would be leaving in a nominal time. That being said, I regret to say I've discovered someone who i really like. SO, you can imagine how thats going.
On the arts, I was in a show the other day at the new gallery here in stillwater. They are going to have a few more shows while I'm here, so I'll do my best to enter in to all that I can. I sold a vase as the last show! I also had a drawing in the show for $500 but I priced it so high because I didn't really want to sell it... it has some nostalgic qualities.
My watercolors have been neglected lately... I've been having trouble working out a schedule that includes my ceramics and watercolor. Speaking of Ceramics, I don't throw for class anymore. I just couldn't take the hypocrisy of it. I was just tired of making something I love and then having someone tell me to change it for the better, then after following their directions exactly, only to have them punish me for the change. Really, there isn't a lot of people (the professor especially) who specialize in throwing. It's apparent in the students work, there is no traditional background, just a free for all that I think ends up in shallow designs. Its just to much for a student to not have ANY direction. Maybe I'm just bitching... But I'm fed up with it. So I will never turn in thrown ware ever again for this teacher.
On the watercolor side, I've announced my alliance to fantasy artist! haha, whatever that means. I'm going to be painting fantasy scenes, and themes. Who knows, maybe I'll spiral out of it and start doing something no one has ever seen before. Who knows right?
Well when I have more time I'll give you my spill on the russians, time travel, building a universe, and aerogels! haha Its pretty awesome stuff! (thanks Joseph)
Ciao~~
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